Part of being able to influence and persuade others has to do with getting people to like you. Isn’t it true that it is EXTREMELY difficult to persuade someone when they don’t like you? Of course!
So the question becomes…how do you get others to like you? Sounds like a simple thing, right? And yet, there are MANY people out there who are not likable. There are a number of ways to get others to like you. Here is one of them….
In order to have influence on others, you need to get them to like you by taking an interest in others. What is the NUMBER ONE thing that people think about during their day? They think about THEMSELVES! We as humans think about ourselves more than any other topic. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. If we don’t think about ourselves, we won’t take care of ourselves. It is the natural order of things.
So when we take an interest in the other person, when we get them to talk about themselves. Take a genuine interest in the other person. Learn as much as you can about the other person, regardless of how you feel about them. You will be much more likeable to them if you do this. Why? Because when you get the other person to talk about themself, they are discussing their favorite topic. They can’t help but NOT like you. You have taken an INTEREST in them. Don’t YOU like people who are genuniely interested in you? You can’t HELP but like that other person.
My ex-wife is a master at this. I am always amazed at how good she is at this. When I see her talk with others, she seems to be able to get the other person to talk about themselves while at the same time, she doesn’t talk about herself at all, or very little. She has been this way as long as I have known her since 1985. She was actually where I learned this skill. Even now, when we talk, I am amazed because she gets me talking about myself before I realize what is going on. I still don’t know how she does it, either. And the funny thing is…..I use this technique every day at work and I recognize it when it is used on me! And yet, for some reason, whenever I talk with her, she STILL, to this day, gets me to talk about myself while NOT talking about herself. Even when I make a concerted effort to make sure I ask about her and try to listen and ask more, she is STILL able to turn the conversation back to me and gets me to talk about myself. Truly amazing!
I asked her last week, while we were talking on the phone, why she does this. Her honest answer was, “Well, really, I just don’t think that my life is very interesting to other people and I assume that they really aren’t interested in it.” Well….NOW I know her secret! LOL. And, quite honestly, I know that she is very well liked by the people she surrounds herself with. I know that this is not a coincidence.
I really think that is a very humble answer. This business of influence and persuasion depends on developing an attitude of genuine interest in the other person. Being genuinely interested in others requires humility. We need to check our ego at the door and leave “me” out of the conversation. Realisitically, you will have much more influence on others by LISTENING to others. By taking an interest in them. A GENUINE interest. Keep that in mind.
I’ll discuss other ways to get others to like you in other posts.
More another time,
Tim
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