At the time I am writing this, I am watching game 1 of the 2008 World Series. Earlier this evening, I had the game on and was talking to my fiancee, and muted the volume of the TV so I could focus my attention on her. After our conversation, she went downstairs and I stayed to watch the game, but I was also poking around the internet, so I kept the TV muted.
At one point, I looked up at the TV and saw that the game was still going on. I was watching the game but not listening to it, because I still have it muted even as I write this.
Watching the TV with it muted reminded me of some body language study you can do to practice your skills at reading the body language of others.
Have you ever been in a public place and just watched people from a distance? Watched their interactions, their gestures, their stance and so on? Have you ever watched TV with the sound muted and tried to figure out what is going on? Or have you watched the TV evening news with the sound muted?
Studying people’s body language is CRUCIAL to your ability to influence and persuade other people. If you cannot, with a reasonable degree of accuracy, discern what others are telling you non-verbally, you will have difficulty with your ability to really understand what the other person is thinking.
For example, consider the following scene:
You are in a public place and see two people, one woman and one man, off in the distance. They are standing and facing each other while talking. Suddenly, the woman’s posture changes, with her hands moving to her hips. At this point, she appears to be tensing up in her face and speaking at a very rapid rate. The man moves one of his hands to the back of his neck and appears to be rubbing it. He moves it to his forehead and rubs that. Then he begins to respond to her verbally with his hands moving in the air while she moves her hands from her hips to crossing her arms in front of her. One foot is pointed towards him while the other foot is pointed 90 degrees apart from the other foot. She backs up a step and pulls her head and chest away from him while he seems to move in closer to her. She also starts nervously playing with her necklace and actually takes a step back from him. Then he confidently steps towards her as she turns her body away from him, but keeps her head in his direction.
You can just imagine what is going on in this discussion. Perhaps she begins the conversation by confronting him on some issue, and it makes him uncomfortable. She says something that triggers his anger and he lashes back and makes her suddenly nervous. He sees this, and persues the issue further, which makes her want to turn away and leave, but she feels an obligation to continue listening to him. All of these things and probably much more was easily discerned because we all have a basic knowledge of the body language of others.
There are also several subtle things that you can pick up if you watch for them. Next time, I will share with you what I have learned is the best area of a person to watch when trying to discern what the other person it really thinking. It may indeed surprise you.
More another time,
Tim
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