Have you ever had someone come up to you, angry, and just ready to “let you have it”? In your place of work, have you ever encountered people who are upset with an issue and verbally attack you personally, even though you did not create the problem, are not part of the problem, and were not even aware of the problem 5 seconds prior to them approaching you?
As I have mentioned before, I taught school for 13 years and have been in sales professionally for 6 years. Being in these two professions for as long as I have has taught me some valuable lessons. People have problems. And as long as people have problems, people will blame others for their problems. And as long as people blame others for their problems, people will blame YOU for their problems. And yet, you did not create the problem, you were not aware of the problem, but you may have to end up solving the problem.
As much as this will happen, you need to remember the following principle: In MOST of the cases (I usually say 99.9% of them, but I have no factual data to back up that statement), it’s nothing personal. There could be an issue at your work that someone is angry about. You did not create the problem. You did not know the problem existed. You weren’t even there that day. But suddenly, others are expecting YOU to solve it. Just remember…it’s nothing personal. It’s not about you. And you need to keep telling yourself that, because others may MAKE it about you. Here are some things that will help you solve these types of problems:
- First of all, remember that the chances are excellent that you personally did not create this problem. I encounter this kind of thing on a daily basis. I work in retail at Alltel, and almost every day, a customer will come into the store, complain to me about their bill, and wonder out loud (sometimes VERY “out loud”) what “YOU” (meaning me) are going to do about it! I realize in my own mind that I probably didn’t create this problem, and so I don’t take it personally. I CAN’T take it personally, or I will be a basket case!
- Next, focus on issues, not emotions. Sometimes, people get very emotional about problems/issues that arise. Whenever you get people together in public, problems/issues WILL arise. It’s inevitable. You, as the “Problem Solver” need to focus on the issues to come to a solution. Don’t allow anger to get ahold of you. Slow down and be calm. Then, focus on the issue, not the person, not the anger, not the name calling, not the foul language, etc. The more you stick to the issues, the better it will be for you. Remember, it’s not personal (see #1). Also remember that the key to solving the problem is to focus on it. Focus on the emotions and the problem will not go away. Focus on the problem and the emotions WILL go away.
- Avoid all Hot Potatoes. Do not allow the other person to give you their hot potato. Test all “hot potato” issues IMMEDIATELY for validity. If you wait to do this, then the other person will assume that it is now YOUR hot potato. Ask for some kind of verification right away.
Then, once you have your mindset in place, follow these steps:
- Ask something like, “What exactly would you like me to do for you?” Have them establish in your mind what they want. Don’t just assume that you know what they want by the initial conversation. Ask! I am amazed how many times people don’t get to the real issues of a problem because they don’t ask the other person/people this question. Maybe you really CAN do exactly what they want. Maybe you can reach a compromise. But you won’t know if you don’t ask. Also, make sure you establish in THEIR mind what it is you CAN do for them. This helps create a win-win situation for both of you.
- Gather as much information about the situation as you can. You can’t make an informed decision without information. Find out exactly what happened, even if you may not like what you find out. Ask questions, research the topic, look for whatever information you need to make a decision. Just establishing what everyone wants won’t be enough. Get as much background information as possible BEFORE giving your thoughts and opinions.
- Propose a solution where BOTH parties can win. There does NOT have to be a winner and a loser in every situation. Many times, both sides won’t even want the same thing. Part of finding a compromise where both sides can come out winners is realizing that not everyone wants the same things. People are different. We all have different needs, desires, and we don’t necessarily need or want the same thing. Working for a solution for both sides makes everyone feel good and makes everyone willing to work together again.
I realize that these are very basic concepts, and are not really in much detail. If you want to study this topic further, I would recommend that you study Roger Dawson’s “The Secrets to Power Negotiating”. Check it out on Amazon.com.
More another time,
Tim
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