I used to be a school band teacher before I got into retail sales.  I remember once a few years ago, I had just started a new job at a school in Minnesota.  We were outside practicing parade marching when all of the sudden, I heard a loud scream and a noise coming from the back of the band.

I rushed over to see what was wrong.  One of my tuba players had dropped his tuba on the concrete.  I asked what happened.  He said a bee was either chasing him or stung him (I can’t remember for sure)  I asked him if he was all right.  He seemed nervous and said yes.  I asked him if he was allergic to bees and he said no.  I made sure that everything was all right with him, and then he picked up his tuba and we got back to practice.

Not once did I yell at him for dropping the tuba on the concrete.  I wasn’t even upset about it.  My concern was for him and his safety.

Now, I realize that to some, a bee sting is no big deal.  Some might think that I would have been livid about him dropping a $3000 tuba on the concrete.  MANY of the kids were shocked at my response to not even address the dropping of the tuba.  Frankly, I wasn’t concerned at all.

You see, tubas can be fixed.  But if a student under my care is hurt, I am very concerned.

I had a parent of a different student come into my office several days later and comment to me that her daughter was very impressed by my response to the tuba player.  She said that other teachers would have yelled at the student for possibly damaging the tuba.  My response to her was simple.

“People are more important than things.”

As I have said before, I work for a cellular telephone company called Alltel.  I and my fiancee both own Blackberries.  I also use an HTC Touch phone for my work phone.  One of the dangers with having a Blackberry is that it is SO addicting.  It really IS an all-in-one device.  From it, I can send and receive email, text and picture messages, instant message people all over the world (I regularly chat with my chess-playing buddy Kenny from Scotland and have just recently acquired a Blackberry buddy in London named Peter).  I can get maps from google, play chess right on the phone with Kenny, google various key words to find information, etc. 

The problem that I have with the Blackberry is control.  Who is in control?  Me, or the Blackberry?  I constantly have to be careful to prioritize my time and attention, as I am easily distracted due to my ADD.  There are times where I have to silence my Blackberry (like when I am in church) so as not to be distracted or be a distraction to others.

This leads me to my main point here.  Like I said in the tuba player story, people are more important than things.  Part of being a successful person in life is being in control of yourself.  If you don’t take an active role in that, you will find that you will give up that control to others by default.  Be ever mindful of this fact.  When a loved one is trying to get your attention and you are buried in your Blackberry, your TV, your computer, or whatever else it is that has your attention, you need to make a choice.  Are you going to choose the person, or the thing? 

I don’t think there are many, if any, people who wish they had spent more time at work rather than being with their family.  But there are PLENTY of people who regret spending too much time at work and not enough time with their family.

Success in life is not so much defined by what you have, but what you DO with what you have, and with WHOM you do it with.  If I had a million dollars but could not spend time with my family, I would not see myself as successful. 

So the next time you are paying more attention to THINGS rather than the people around you, remember this successful formula:

People are more important than things.

More another time,

Tim Jensen

Word Count: 733

Part of being able to influence and persuade others has to do with getting people to like you.  Isn’t it true that it is EXTREMELY difficult to persuade someone when they don’t like you?  Of course!

So the question becomes…how do you get others to like you?  Sounds like a simple thing, right?  And yet, there are MANY people out there who are not likable.  There are a number of ways to get others to like you.  Here is one of them….

In order to have influence on others, you need to get them to like you by taking an interest in others.  What is the NUMBER ONE thing that people think about during their day?  They think about THEMSELVES!  We as humans think about ourselves more than any other topic.  And that is not necessarily a bad thing.  If we don’t think about ourselves, we won’t take care of ourselves.  It is the natural order of things. 

So when we take an interest in the other person, when we get them to talk about themselves.  Take a genuine interest in the other person.  Learn as much as you can about the other person, regardless of how you feel about them.  You will be much more likeable to them if you do this.  Why?  Because when you get the other person to talk about themself, they are discussing their favorite topic.  They can’t help but NOT like you.  You have taken an INTEREST in them.  Don’t YOU like people who are genuniely interested in you?  You can’t HELP but like that other person.

My ex-wife is a master at this.  I am always amazed at how good she is at this.  When I see her talk with others, she seems to be able to get the other person to talk about themselves while at the same time, she doesn’t talk about herself at all, or very little.  She has been this way as long as I have known her since 1985.  She was actually where I learned this skill.  Even now, when we talk, I am amazed because she gets me talking about myself before I realize what is going on.  I still don’t know how she does it, either.  And the funny thing is…..I use this technique every day at work and I recognize it when it is used on me!  And yet, for some reason, whenever I talk with her, she STILL, to this day, gets me to talk about myself while NOT talking about herself.  Even when I make a concerted effort to make sure I ask about her and try to listen and ask more, she is STILL able to turn the conversation back to me and gets me to talk about myself.  Truly amazing!

I asked her last week, while we were talking on the phone, why she does this.  Her honest answer was, “Well, really, I just don’t think that my life is very interesting to other people and I assume that they really aren’t interested in it.”  Well….NOW I know her secret!  LOL.  And, quite honestly, I know that she is very well liked by the people she surrounds herself with.  I know that this is not a coincidence.

I really think that is a very humble answer.  This business of influence and persuasion depends on developing an attitude of genuine interest in the other person.  Being genuinely interested in others requires humility.  We need to check our ego at the door and leave “me” out of the conversation.  Realisitically, you will have much more influence on others by LISTENING to others.  By taking an interest in them.  A GENUINE interest.  Keep that in mind.

I’ll discuss other ways to get others to like you in other posts.

More another time,

Tim

Word Count: 643

Imagine for a minute that you are going fishing.  You grab your fishing gear, your tackle box, and a box that says “bait” that you put together.  You get your boat ready, hook it up to your vehicle, and head off with whomever you are going fishing with.

You arrive at your destination, put your boat in the water, put your fishing gear, your tackle box, and your box that says “bait” into the boat.  You make sure that everyone has life preservers, and set out on your fishing activities.

You get your boat to the spot that you feel will allow you to catch the most fish.  You drop anchor, and prepare your rod and reel for catching your first fish.  You have your nets ready once you have reeled them in.  You have everything ready to start, and open up the box that says “bait”.  You pull out the contents of that box, and your fishing partner asks you a very relavent question….

“Why are there chocolate bars in the bait box?”

You answer him, “Bait is used to attract.  I like chocolate, so I figured that chocolate would be good bait for us to use.”

“You dummy” says your partner.  “We aren’t here to catch YOU!  We are here to catch FISH!  Fish don’t eat chocolate!  They eat WORMS!  How are you going to catch fish if you can’t attract them?  You have to have bait that the FISH will like, not bait that YOU will like!”

Kind of a ridiculous story, don’t you think?

And yet, it has a very good parallel in the area of influence and persuasion.  Dale Carnegie once wrote in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” that “There is only one way under high heaven to get anyone to do anything…and that is by making the other person want to do it.”  (See Chapter 2 of his book)

There are many ways to do this; some legal and some not.  You could use a weapon to get a person to “want” to do something, but that is not legal.  You can get an employee to want to do something by threatening to fire them if they don’t do what you want.  But these ways are what is called “extrinsic” ways of persuasion.  In other words, an outside influence “makes” you do it under a threat.  What would be better would be what is called “intrinsic” motivation.  That is, motivation that comes from within a person.  It is something that THEY want to do rather than something that someone else wants them to do.

On the same page, Dale Carnegie had this to say, “The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.” 

That is a win-win situation.  You get what you want, and I get what I want.  Pretty simple, right?  So how do you know what people want?

The human race as a group have common wants.  John Dewey once said that the most important want in a person’s life is “the desire to be important.”  Other common wants of people include:

1. Health and the preservation of life
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things that money will buy
5. Life in the hereafter
6. Sexual gratification
7. The well-being of our children
8. A feeling of importance

All of these wants are usually taken care of…all except one.  7 of them are routinely satisfied, but one is consistently NOT satisfied.  That is what John Dewey called “The desire to be important.”

Let’s face it.  Everyone likes a sincere compliment.  Everyone likes to be appreciated.  People will go out of their way for others and will be satisfied with a sincere and genuine “Thank You.”  My Pastor, David Wiersbe, makes a point of this after every church service.  Everyone that participates in the Sunday morning worship service, whether it be reading Scripture, leading music, playing the piano or organ, or leading a prayer, Dave sends them a thank you note in the mail.  When I would lead music in church, I knew that sometime that week, there would be a thank you note in my post office box.  Even though I read his book that I linked above before I experienced these notes in my mailbox, it still made me feel appreciated when I received one.

The way that you get your feeling of importance reveals your character.  It determines who you are.  Conversely, who you are will also determine how you get your feeling of importance met.  The two work hand in hand.  People will do mighty things to have their name etched in stone, or have a building or a city named after them. 

Some people will do the opposite to receive their feeling of importance.  John Dillinger took pride in being public enemy number one.  Right after the 2006 election, people started to declare themselves candidates for President of the United States!  States moved up their Presidential Primary Elections so that their state could have an influence on who is nominated.  Why?  In part, to feel important…significant.

So here is a pretty simple formula to getting people to do what you want them to do – make that person or group feel important.  Be sincere.  Remember, people have VERY STRONG BS detectors, so don’t give a phoney compliment.  They will see through that.  Make others feel important and significant.  Appreciate them.  Thank them.  As long as you are sincere, specific, and telling the truth, you stand a MUCH better chance of getting others to do what you want them to do.

More another time,

Tim

Word Count: 940