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In my day job, I work with the public. Many times I find myself engaged in conversation with people, both customers and co-workers. In these conversations, whether I am participating in them or observing them, I notice that people have a HUGE tendancy to interrupt or ignore other people in the conversation….myself included.
One book I have enjoyed reading over the years is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” In it, he includes a chapter on getting people to like you through listening to them. And yet, when I am in a public setting, I am amazed with the amount of people who don’t practice basic, fundamental conversational techniques! They just talk and talk and talk, thinking that they are somehow “influencing” other people. Many times, all they are doing is creating noise.
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Tonight I attended my oldest daughter’s high school graduation. I have attended many Commencement/Graduation ceremonies in my life. I have conducted the band at 10 of them, participated in 2 of my own, been to my siblings’ ceremonies, but never in my life have I felt so nostalgic as I did this morning when I woke up. It was such a different feeling for me.
I haven’t lived with my kids since January 2003 when their mother and I split up, so I haven’t had the influence on my kids’ lives that I would have wanted to, but I am trying to make more of an effort these days than I have in the past. I guess we all go through unpleasant things in our lives that we wish we wouldn’t have gone through, but since we have, they become a part of who we are. I do what I can, realizing that I can only do what I can with the lot I have in life right now.
Carrie and I arrived 75 minutes before the start of the ceremony tonight to make sure that we got a good seat. We saw Elizabeth briefly before the ceremony and got a couple of pictures. Then we got in to the school, got to our seat, and attended the ceremony. Pictures were taken, students were recognized, diplomas were handed out, caps were thrown in the air, helium balloon blocked people’s views, air horns were blown at inappropriate times (all air horn noises are inappropriate in my opinion…), songs were sung, speeches were given, the band played 23 verses of “Pomp and Circumstance”, and the couple in front of us always seemed to know which way to lean to block Carrie from taking pictures of Elizabeth while the choir was singing.
Elizabeth and I at her Graduation After the ceremony, Carrie and I waited outside in the school’s parking lot for Elizabeth to come out, as it was HOT in the gym for the 2 hours we were in it. Elizabeth finally came out and we talked for quite a while. And I shared some of the things that I was thinking and feeling this morning at 5:15am about tonight’s Commencement ceremony.
I told her of the time when I had a piccolo player in my band who was so close to NOT graduating that she was meeting with her Family and Consumer Ed teacher on her last day of school to see if she was going to pass her final exam. Pass the exam and she passed the class. Pass the class and she graduated. She passed the exam.
I told her of my brother’s comment to my mom when he was done with his commencement ceremony. He came up to my (our) mom and told her, “Here you go, Mom. Here’s YOUR diploma.” He was referring to the kick in his butt that she gave him during high school.
Then I told Elizabeth this:
“Elizabeth (At The End Of Commencement), There’s a REASON why they call the ceremony ‘Commencement.’ Graduation does mark the end, but more importantly, it is the BEGINNING. Commencement marks the beginning of your adult life. Never again will you get a fresh start in life. Right now you are an adult, you have no debt, you are moving to a new place and starting ALL OVER. From here on, you create your new life. This really IS a Commencement ceremony, because you are commencing with the rest of your life. It’s kind of like having a baby. When a baby is born, parents realize that it is not the end of something, but rather the BEGINNING.”
She looked a little confused by that last part, but that’s ok. She’ll understand it when the time is right.
Enjoy commencing with your adult life, Elizabeth. Make good choices, that it may go well with you. Remember, this is the BEGINNING, not the end. Never stop learning.
More another time,
Tim
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I love the old saying that says, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.” It’s a cute little cliche’, but it makes a very good point.
I frequetly share with people this concept. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Focus on the things that you CAN control. Can you control other people? For the most part, no. Can you control what other people do? No. You may have INFLUENCE on others, but you can’t control what they do. The only person you can control is….
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What questions does this raise for you?
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